Reflections on the eve of my birthday
I'm at the gate about to board my flight. Hopefully by midight, I'll already be on my way to Peru to celebrate my 31st birthday with a hug from my mom after a long time. Duality is real though and I feel a little sad for leaving my husband behind... and my sister, my brother-in law, and nephews. I usually always spend it with them, and my dad. My dad is also in Peru right now though. It's going to be so nostalgic spending my birthday with both my parents. I'm grateful to have them alive and to see them age gracefully. Thanks be to God.
The other day when I mentioned counseling as an option to my husband, he asked, "Since you go. How has therapy helped you?" I kinda felt insulted because if it's been working then wouldn't he notice the changes? It made me pause and reflect.
Therapy has helped me in many many ways. This year is actually ten years since I first started therapy. I began therapy in college after my father got his then-girlfriend pregnant with their second child. At the same time, I was noticing unhealthy patterns in the people I attracted.
Since then, I've had a few one-offs and two long-term therapists. I've been in therapy after my mom moved to Peru, when I became responsible of my parents home, battling depression/anxiety, going through graduate school, being a caregiver to my grandpa, a few failed relationships, and now... marriage, homeownership, and as an aspiring mom.
Thanks to therapy, I feel purpose that I once questioned. I appreciate my emotional side that I used to resent. I've learned to understand duality. Therapy is helping me process grief, loss, transitions, and challenges. I'm grateful to have medical insurance and the funds to afford therapy. My session help grant me clarity and confidence. Yes, my therapists provide the support and resources, but it has been me that has put in the work.
Cheers to continued self work, that's also self love. ♡