October 2026 ᯽ Rosary Journal →

What Was I Thinking?♡

On Depression

Trigger Warning: On depression and dark moments of my life.

Yesterday, I received an email about a few questionnaires I need to complete before meeting with my doctor for my annual physical next week. One of them was the routine Depression Assessment (PHQ-9) required by the state to check for symptoms.

After my mom moved to Peru in 2017 and escaping a narcasstic relationship in 2020, I had finally put a name to the darkness I was experiencing: depression. My health assessment responses then would constantly range from several days to nearly everyday. I remember the heaviness of waking up in the morning, the Google and TikTok searches for "Self Care Tips", the loneliness in a crowded room, and the lack of purpose I felt in life. Though I never had suicidal thoughts, I did call the 988 Crisis Lifeline a couple of times. I needed help. I felt stuck.

Despite going to therapy and having a support system, I wasn't feeling like myself. There was once a light in me that had dimmed completely away and I wasn't sure it was ever coming back.

My Questionnaire Responses Today


Expand if you wish.

Over the last two weeks, how often have you been bothered by the following problems?



Little interest or pleasure in doing things?*













Feeling down, depressed, or hopeless?*











Trouble falling or staying asleep, or sleeping too much?*





Feeling tired or having little energy?*





Poor appetite or overeating?*





Feeling bad about yourself — or that you are a failure or have let yourself or your family down?*





Trouble concentrating on things, such as reading the newspaper or watching television?*





Moving or speaking so slowly that other people could have noticed? Or so fidgety or restless that you have been moving a lot more than usual?*





Fast forward to now. My responses surprised me..so much.. that it even moved me to share it here on my blog. I want to remember this feeling forever. I don't take these responses lightly.

Through my experience, I've been able to have more conversations about depression and make it an important topic of discussion within my family. Together, we coined "la salud mental" before it went viral. We have learned to be intentional in the ways we support each other and have prioritized each other's mental health in the decisions we make. I'm grateful to my family for being comforting, receptive, and patient -- even in the moments they felt helpless and didn't understand what I was going through.

Life today feels and looks different. I have to admit, I still struggle to get out of bed in the mornings. But now it's out of laziness or exhaustion. I look forward to my days and the weeks to come. Serving God has become my purpose. I'm a cherished wife, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. I am grateful to be in a clearer state today.

I once thought it would never be back. But, the light in me: it's back.

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#anxiety #blog #reflections