All my best content is in my drafts
I have this immense anxiety when it comes to posting on social media. Believe it or not, I used to be an over sharer online. I was the one checking-us in at the airport (double entendre)… I would take aesthetically pleasing photos of every meal (before it was a thing), and I even started a “review” page where I would highlight local businesses and travel experiences (the original UGC).
I didn’t mind giving people access into my life..it felt natural, raw, and simply me. My Instagram was public with thousands of followers: a mix of family, friends, folks I met in college, among strangers who befriended me.
It’s true what they say. It’s the dopamine. I LOVED sharing. I felt so much satisfaction from every like, every comment, but especially those DMs I would receive praising my content.. many felt connected to me even if they’ve never met me in person. Some even appreciated how real and genuine I was about highlighting my experiences, good and bad.
But then the switch flipped.
My life wasn’t going so great.. and the dopamine from social wasn’t feeding me enough to keep me grounded. Regardless of how many followers and how much engagement I received, I felt lonely. Depression hit bad. I was at my lowest in the middle of grad school adapting to all the changes from COVID-19. On top of that, my grandpa was battling cancer and as his primary caretaker, I was coordinating all his medical appointments and figuring out how to ask the family for help. There was a lot going on that I didn’t really feel like maintaining a façade online but somehow I pushed myself because I built a career around digital marketing and social media. How could I step away from it at that moment?!
The ultimate trigger, however, was when I resigned from a toxic workplace. Although I enjoyed the mission and structure, it was the people that made it unbearable. During my exit interview, my supervisor at the time questioned me about my social media content. My personal tweets had been brought to her attention for quite some time but she only decided to address them now that I’ll be gone.
I was taken aback entirely. All I could think about was that someone went out of their way to find my social media account and purposely misinterpret my self-expression. They put together how much of a burden my job and team was in the transition to remote work, but failed to see all else I was struggling with: depression, anxiety, and heavy responsibilities. This was a complete taint to my name as I departed the organization with no room to reclaim myself.
It was the beginning of reluctancy.
Since then I think twice before posting..well actually maybe three or four times, which then typically leads me to not wanting to post at all. And that’s the cycle on repeat.
The digital landscape has also changed a lot though. I’m not the only one feeling this way, and it’s evident. People are consuming more and sharing less. Social media is not what it used to be. Hmm, was it ever something productive?! Whoever said social media is a means of connection, lied. Everything is transactional with consequences. And, that’s also why I’ve been hesitant to post. It requires vulnerability and courage to deflect judgement, and I’m not quite there yet.
🌱 As I shared in my post, My Non Existent Personal Memoir, "I have this big fear that I’ll get dementia, maybe since my grandma has it. Naturally documenting has always been important for me."
Now, even during the times I’m pulled to share something, there’s this whisper in my head reminding me to be selective. Or maybe, it’s simply pessimism that no one cares about what I have to say.
Whatever it is, it’s led to self-instilled fear and refusal to post. Therefore, all my best content is in my drafts, and well maybe now it’s time I start sharing it with you all in this cozy corner.
I leave you with some questions of reflection:
- Why do you post freely on social media; or why are you more restrictive?
- How do you navigate and filter through anticipated judgement?
- Stepping into 2026, can you still be your authentic self on social platforms?
Maybe your responses can help me better understand myself, my purpose, and intentions, or lack thereof, when posting on social media. Til’ next time.